Combating unwanted loneliness: key strategies to tackle it

We live in a world that allows us to be connected with others. On the other hand, we are witnessing the paradox of how loneliness is becoming more and more present. Being lonely isn’t the same as being alone.

A distinction can be made with chosen solitude, which is necessary for reflection, introspection, and calm, and is sought voluntarily as a source of recharge and self-knowledge. But unwanted loneliness is a painful feeling of disconnection. A void that arises from the discrepancy between the social relations we long for and those we actually have. This feeling is not a fleeting emotion, as it has a profound impact on our health.
 

What is unwanted loneliness and how does it affect health

Unwanted loneliness is the subjective perception of social isolation. It doesn't depend on how many friends we have on social media or in our day-to-day lives. It depends on the quality and significance of the bonds we form with those we relate to. In this way, we can feel lonely even in a crowd if there are no meaningful and authentic connections.

From a mental health point of view, this unwanted loneliness is a significant risk factor. It is associated with a higher incidence of depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and impaired cognitive performance. Likewise, from a physical standpoint, chronic stress weakens the immune system, increases blood pressure, raises the risk of cardiovascular diseases, and disrupts sleep patterns. Loneliness hurts, and there is scientific evidence that this pain activates brain areas related to physical pain.

Common causes of unwanted loneliness

• Life transitions: such as moving to a new city, changing jobs, retirement, a breakup, or the loss of a loved one, can dismantle our support network.
• Difficulties with social skills: shyness, anxiety and/or social phobia, or a lack of assertiveness can make it hard to start and maintain relationships.
• Personal circumstances: such as a chronic illness, caring for a dependent family member, or remote working, can limit opportunities for socialising.
• Psychological factors: negative beliefs about oneself (‘I’m not interesting,’ ‘no one will want to be my friend’) can become self-fulfilling prophecies that lead to isolation.
   

Key strategies to combat unwanted loneliness through self-care

The way to deal with unwanted loneliness is to renew and accept oneself. Self-care is essential:

• Validate your emotions: accept that you feel alone, without punishing or judging yourself for it. Denying loneliness or resisting it intensifies the discomfort.
• Question your thoughts: loneliness is often accompanied by a very critical inner dialogue. Identify and challenge those automatic negative thoughts (‘no one understands me’, ‘I will always be alone’). A more understanding and compassionate inner voice and attitude towards oneself is essential.
• Take care of your body: regular physical exercise, a balanced diet, and restorative sleep improve mood and boost energy.

Activities that help reconnect with yourself and others

• Reconnect with yourself: spend time on activities you enjoy alone, without screens or digital devices, such as exercise, reading, walking, or keeping a journal. It’s necessary to learn to enjoy your own company to reduce the fear of loneliness.
• Reconnect with others: Helping others is one of the most effective ways to generate a sense of purpose and belonging.
• Join interest-based groups: sharing a hobby is a natural bridge to meet new people: reading, hiking, sports, cooking, etc.
• Small everyday gestures: don't underestimate the power of small interactions. Say hello to your neighbours, chat briefly with the shop assistant or smile at others. Combating loneliness requires patience and self-compassion, cultivating authentic connections, starting with your relationship with yourself. If loneliness is overwhelming, seek professional help. It is a necessary, courageous, and wise step towards personal well-being, essential for our personal development and for nurturing healthy relationships.
   

Transforming loneliness into an opportunity for personal growth

Although painful, loneliness can serve as a catalyst for change, offering an opportunity for self-rediscovery. Some questions to consider are: What am I passionate about? What hobbies have I neglected? What values are important to me in a friendship? Finding the answers will help you get to know yourself better and seek friendships that align with who you are, prioritising quality over quantity.