Overcome difficult times in life and new beginnings

At some point, we are all faced with circumstances that overwhelm us, whether it be a loss, a separation, the failure of a project, an illness or the simple feeling that the ground is moving under our feet. However, psychology offers us a fundamental mental perspective: although pain is inevitable, stagnation is not. The real key to getting out of the darkest times is to learn how to go through pain rather than trying to avoid or combat it.

Resilience, far from meaning invulnerability or the obligation to “be strong”, is the elegant ability to adapt, reorganise and keep moving forward after being shaken. And most importantly: it is a human ability that can be cultivated.

How to start again after a difficult time

One of the most frequent mistakes after going through a difficult period is the desire to be the person we were before. However, that individual no longer exists in the same way, and this should not be seen as a tragedy, but as a valuable opportunity. The first act of this new beginning is to accept that the starting point has changed.

Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) highlights an essential principle: although we cannot control what we feel or what has happened to us, we can choose how we relate to that experience and our next steps. This means, first and foremost, making room for pain without making judgements. Validating our own discomfort - recognising that it is understandable to feel exhausted, sad or disoriented - is the first act of genuine self-care.

The neuroscience of behaviour suggests that sustainable changes are built from microhabits. This is not an abrupt reinvention, but a gradual reactivation of the brain circuits associated with pleasure, purpose and social connection. This translates into actions such as resuming a basic sleep routine, recovering physical movement or reconnecting with activities that generate meaning.

An exercise that acts like a compass when the map is blurred is to identify three fundamental personal values - what which really matters in life, beyond circumstances - and to wonder what small action, right now, might be aligned with any of them.

How to learn and grow after a difficult time

The concept of post-traumatic growth, investigated by psychologists Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun, documents how many people who suffer severe adverse experiences not only regain their previous function, but report profound positive changes. These include a greater appreciation for life, more authentic relationships, a renewed sense of personal strength, and often a clearer sense of purpose.

It is essential to understand that this does not imply that suffering is desirable. Rather, it reveals the extraordinary ability of the human mind to build meaning.

One of the most powerful conditions for this growth is narrative. Putting what happened into words, whether through expressive writing, trusted conversation, or a therapeutic process, helps the brain understand the experience and prevents it from remaining fragmented. In fact, studies by James Pennebaker have shown that writing about emotionally intense experiences for fifteen minutes a day, over four days, significantly improves psychological and physical well-being.

Another key tool is cognitive distance: the ability to observe our thoughts rather than fully identify with them. Practices such as mindfulness meditation train this ability. By contemplating a thought that everything has gone wrong as a mere production of the mind and not as an absolute truth, a space of freedom is opened to respond in a more adaptive way.

Finally, the right question makes the difference. Forget about “why this happened to me” - a question that encourages rumination – and replace it with “what has this taught me about myself and what I want to build now”.

Resources and support for overcoming difficult times

• No recovery process happens in isolation. Social support is a strong protective factor against adversity. Having at least one person who listens without judgement and who offers a genuine presence. 
• When the immediate environment is insufficient, psychotherapy offers approaches such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectic-behavioral therapy (DBT) or the therapy of acceptance and commitment in times of crisis.
• Mindfulness and mental well-being applications such as Headspace, Calm, or Insight Timer offer concrete tools for everyday emotional regulation, although they are not a substitute for professional therapy.
• Physical activity: regular exercise has antidepressant and anxiolytic effects comparable to those of medication in certain cases, with the added benefit of strengthening self-efficacy and the connection with the body itself.
• If the discomfort is persistent, intense, or seriously interferes with your everyday life, consult a mental health professional.

We must remember that difficult show what we are made of and, above all, who we can become.